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But as I was also interested in women, without daging this assumption, I instead simply had a different definition of sex depending on whether I was talking about being with a woman or a man. What I considered to be sex with a woman was simply classified as foreplay with a man. This seems absurd to me now, but I had no framework datinh vocabulary to describe my experience as a bisexual person [2]and so I defaulted to what popular Butch femme transguy dating told me, which was that PIV [3] sex counts, and nothing else is really worth noting [4].

But despite my inability to describe my experiences and what I imagined, these issues highlight that I was at least thinking and trying to talk about different sex acts and different bodies. As it turned out, the major relationships in my life until my current one — and thus the vast majority of my sexual experience — have been with cis men. When I met my current partner I had never been intimate with a trans person, and I had never discussed sex with anyone who could speak to the experience. I was nervous the first time I saw my partner naked as was he!

A few years later, having immersed myself in trans and queer culture and writing, I am far less hung up on such trivial things as what configuration of genitals someone has. But at that time, it was a monumental moment for us both.

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And I genuinely think that it was easier for me and thus, us as a couplebecause I was already familiar with different bodies. I think the very fact of being attracted to more than one gender makes it easier to be open to the possibility of datnig attracted to someone who has a differently configured body than the mainstream would tell us is available. However much we may personally reject gender stereotypes, they are datingg we look, and virtually impossible to escape. The stereotypes of how our bodies should be are so fundamental and adting Butch femme transguy dating to be invisible unless you have reason to look.

He had primarily only dated femme women and alerted me to the fact that when he was dating guys they usually just act like his homeboys in public and that I needed to be aware of that and conform. It happened again when I was dating a queer woman who always had to refer to me as her girlfriend with her family because she didn't know how to explain me as her "boyfriend". I am what many would perceive as a visibly queer person. Sometimes I pass as a gay man, sometimes I'm seen as a butch woman, some perceive me as a 15 year old version of one of those two options, but regardless of what I am passing as, it's always been pretty queer. I identify myself as being on the transmasculine spectrum and being attracted to other masculine bodies: What tends to come up in my dating scenarios is a whole lot of crap relating to the internalized homo and transphobia sitting just under the surface of my potential relationships.

Whether it has been folks that got used to the idea of not holding hands or being touched in public to individuals that just didn't want to be perceived as "too queer" trying to relegate our affections as a way of damage control in a heteronormative world that isn't ready.

Many of us recoil from the very idea that we are lovable. Or we think the way we love has to fit the norms fating a society that doesn't affirm us in Butcch way to begin Bucth. And you do too. I Butch femme transguy dating really want this to be a list blog, but hey, I go where the mood takes me. A list of what we have a right to in the romance department. Because yes, we're kind of awesome, we deal with a lot of crap and we deserve a whole lot of good loving in whatever way we want it! Because we also have a right to WANT. I deserve to interact with dating partners that are excited to be with me, whether I am a monogamous person, a poly person or on-a-whole-'nother-level-relationship type person.

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