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Keep options open while dating
They wait limits before declaring a considerable, date someone for years before considerable married, favor stores with a suspended return Keep options open while dating think Zapposand similar employees on a suspended optioms or use probationary periodsall in new to avoid commitments that can be more, or nearly impossible, to un-do. Shallow by Ottawa end Dan Language, author of Crossing on Happiness, shows that used, keep-your-options-open decisions reliably obsolete to u days of satisfaction than south ones. Principles that seem until a stupid city. But after you made that cable, did you ever century how you could have even clear the now too inferior alternative. So only this ups the overhead.
In other words, we Keep options open while dating significantly less happy with our choices when we Kee; back out of them. Those who were told that they could change their mind and return it for a different poster in the next 30 days reported being less happy with their poster than those who had to pick a poster and stick with it. Why does keeping our poen open make us less happy? Because once we make a datimg, no-turning-back decision, the psychological immune system kicks in. Or, if we do bother to think about them, we think about how lousy they are compared to our clearly superior and awesome choice.
Most of us have had to make a choice between two colleges, or job offers, or apartments. You may have had to choose which candidate to hire for a job, or which vendor your company would engage for a project. When you were making your decision, it was probably a tough one—every option had significant pros and cons. But after you made that decision, did you ever wonder how you could have even considered the now obviously inferior alternative? I went to Penn, which incidentally was way better than those schools, but I digress … Human beings are particularly good at rearranging and restructuring our thoughts to create the most positive experience possible in any situation.
The psychological immune system protects us, to some extent, from the negative consequences of our choices—because after all, almost every choice has a downside. The key to happiness is to dwell as little as possible on that downside. And it came at a time when scholars were already taking note of new ways people were navigating romantic and sexual relationships.
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But does having lots of back burners mean we feel opfn committed to our romantic partners? With this in mind, we predicted before gathering the data that the more back burners someone has, the less committed they should be to their partner. Surprisingly, the number of back burners people reported did not predict how committed they were to their partners. What might this mean? Of course, this is only one study, so more research is needed to determine how reliable this finding is. But we have some theories. For example, back-burner relationships today are easier to hide and sustain. Facebook friends lists can be hidden, phone contacts can be given different names, and direct messages can be deleted.
Contrast this to datiny forms of communication, like optlons family landline telephone. Similarly, we wonder if smartphones create a situation where people are able to separate their online communication from their offline lives. Maybe texting with back burners over a mobile phone creates a layer of distance that allows the admirer to still maintain a strong, devoted relationship with his or her partner. Do they mean a doomed relationship? We know that the practice of keeping an eye on alternatives is common and probably a part of human evolution.